All Hail the Penguin!
In the annals of our life, last weekend will go down as Big. Emily - my wife - graduated a week ago tonight with her Master's degree in 19th century US history. The ceremony was really nice, in many ways. No, it didn't escape the typical irrelevant and incoherent keynote speech. However, the ceremony was fast (lasted just over an hour), and came off pretty smoothly (no one fell off the stage). One thing that I really found remarkable was the overwhelming enthusiasm expressed by the audience for their graduates. You could really tell that these friends and family had an intimate understanding of the raw effort involved in earning these degrees.
I don't want to give the impression that this occasion was marked only by solemnity. The accostinghooding of the Ph.D. candidates was improv comedy at its best. I'm sure you're familiar with the mortar boards worn by most graduates (the square hat that holds up the tassle). These look mildly funny by themselves, but the application of a hood whose opening is too small for the mortar board to fit through can only be described as pure comedic genius. The women by far the best. Up they stepped, one by one, to receive their hoods, impeccably adorned in robe and perfectly perched mortar board. Then, the hooding, with all of its stooping, wrenching, stumbling, and straightening. Finally, out they step, one by one, with hair hanging out at odd angles and disheveled hoods hanging off of their backs like so many failed nooses...just in time to stride across the stage in front of God and everyone, stopping along the way for two photo ops. You simply cannot plan comedy this perfect!
I should add that I tried my best to dispense my husbandly duty. I rushed into the room, and managed to secure a front-row seat. I had my digital camera at the ready, and even took a practice shot to ensure that the angles and lighting were feasible for a decent photo. What I failed to take into account was that the Master's graduates would be moving at roughly 99% the speed of light by the time they passed me...the photo was a total loss. I did get a few good shots of the cap and gown outside, though...