Something Shiny! - Crazy Neighbor category

Straight to hell

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 13:53:50 GMT

You may have noticed that I haven't mentioned my crazy old neighbor lately. And you may well be wondering whatever happened to that old codger. Well, you wouldn't be alone. He's been on my mind a lot lately. There was that incident several months ago when he subtly accused John of stealing a carving set of his. He actually called the police out to his house, but found the carving set just as they pulled up to his house. Then there was that incident not long after that when he called our house and demanded that we pay a $200 false-alarm charge on his home security bill. That was fun. It became clear to us that he was going downhill quite quickly. He mentioned to John, in passing, that he had gotten lost on his way home from the doctor not long ago. And we wondered if there was anything we could do to help him. Why did his children seem unconcerned about their aging father? Then, out of the blue, his son came down for a visit about two months ago. After which, our crazy old neighbor completely disappeared. His lawn service kept mowing his lawn and keeping the grounds tidy. But otherwise there was no sign of life in the house next door. Then suddenly, this past weekend, there was a flurry of activity. Several cars, including the son's, pulled up to the house, along with a realtor. Then one of those PODS (Portable On Demand Storage) showed up in the driveway. And as the contents of the house got loaded into the waiting pod, I couldn't help but wonder what happened to our crazy old neighbor. Hopefully he's somewhere with a much shorter fence, so that he doesn't have to drag a ladder out to see over it.

(Incidentally, the title of this post emanates not from where I think he's gone, but rather where I think I'm headed since I bellyached about him forever and now he may be dead. Ahem.)

I can laugh about this now

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 14:32:00 GMT

A few days ago, this conversation about Grand Theft Lydia (great name, Kim!) REALLY pissed me off. But now I can totally see the funny, on both sides.

Me: Not to put too fine a point on it, but he could DIE while she's in his house.

John: Way to be sensitive about the situation, Em.

Looking for love in all the wrong places

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 12:42:10 GMT

Before we put up a fence, our crazy neighbor used to waltz into our yard and walk around like he owned the place. Once we fenced the yard, he started opening the gate and letting himself in. So we put a lock on the gate, whereupon he started looking over the fence by using a step ladder. Everyone up to speed? Good. Now, it seems, he thinks he has rights to our animals as well as our yard. Don't get me wrong-- I don't mind him trying to pet the cats, or chatting up Luke while John's walking him. But I take issue with our latest discovery: he brings Lydia inside his house. Let me repeat that, so it really sinks in: our ninety year-old neighbor has, heretofore unbeknownst to us and most certainly without our permission, been bringing one of our cats into his house. I'm so baffled by this latest revelation, so completely flabbergasted, that I don't even know what to say. And trust me, when you've done something to render ME speechless, you've pulled off quite a feat. How am I supposed to address this?

Crazy neighbor update

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 23:21:00 GMT

For those of you who were wondering what the latest is with our crazy neighbor, allow me to enlighten you while I pack my bags for hell. A few weeks ago, I pulled up to the house and almost as soon as I walked in the door, the crazy neighbor rang the doorbell. The conversation that ensued when I answered the door was nothing short of bizarre:

Crazy Neighbor: And you are...?

Me: ... Emily

Crazy Neighbor: Emily who?

Me (wondering if this bad knock-knock joke might end with my head in a bag): Emily Casey

Crazy Neighbor: And do your parents own this house?

Me (wildly confused): No... I own it.

Crazy Neighbor: Oh. Well, I wanted to tell you that (mumble mumble) died today at noon.

Since he was gesturing at the house across the street, I assumed that our other old neighbor had died. Considering that we've lived in this house for two years now, and he knows my name and the fact that I don't live with my parents, I have to assume that he's going senile. Which makes me the biggest asshole in the world for griping about him. I'll send you my new address once I get to hell...

Crazy neighbor story #205

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 22:04:51 GMT

So, you know the crazy next-door neighbor? The one who used to trespass into our yard to try to talk to our dog? The one who is supposed to be kept out by our new six-foot privacy fence? Well. Shortly after the fence went up, he started coming into the yard just by the gate on his side, to talk to Luke. Then we put a bolt through the handle of the gate to keep him out. Today, we saw his new plan for viewing and/or talking to the dog: He bought a ladder so that he can stand it up next to the fence, climb to the top, and see over our fence. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN???