That &#@*$&#*! fan

So a few years ago we replaced the ceiling fans in this house. It wasn't so much the fact that they were ugly (though trust me, they were), but I also had a sneaking suspicion that they had been installed incorrectly. A suspicion that, I might add, was confirmed when we found scorch marks underneath each of them. I won't even trifle with your intelligence by describing the water heater that could have killed us all. Home Inspector = ON CRACK. Ahem. In any case, we replaced the ceiling fans (and the deadly water heater). We opted for run-of-the-mill fans in my office and in the guest room/John's office, but in the master bedroom we wanted something that would move a little more air, since it's a much larger space. We wound up buying this one, since it seemed to fit the bill. It came with a remote control, which didn't impress us but with which we thought we could live. What could go wrong? Insert red warning flag here. LOTS could go wrong. When you're installing a ceiling fan, especially a ceiling fan with all the wiring necessary for a remote control crammed up into its canopy, you're dealing with a lot of wiring in a very small space. And when you're buying something that's mass produced for a big box store, you're not exactly getting the highest quality (see: everything you've ever bought at WalMart). So, yeah, lots could go wrong. And lots has gone wrong. Most vexing to us is the fact that the light on the ceiling fan randomly turns on, when nobody's even touching the remote. Case in point: I'm currently sitting in the living room, John's in his office (with his normal ceiling fan), and the light in the bedroom just came on. Sometimes it lights up, then dims, then lights up, then dims, then lights up, then dims, all in the space of a few seconds. Sometimes it happens in the middle of the night. FUN. And sometimes the fan turns itself off completely. ALSO FUN. So the moral of the story is this: if you see this fan while shopping in Lowe's one day, and you've got $119 burning a hole in your pocket, you'd be better off lighting the money on fire than buying that fan.